Yes, it’s true – someone literally posted this on Reddit, wondering if his actions were wrong. Children, as innocent as they are, can pick up on small things, and how we engage with them and what we say can leave a lasting impression on their lives.
Boyfriend and girlfriend merge their families together
In his OP, the boyfriend wrote, “So I (37M) have a daughter, and she’s 9, my girlfriend (38F) and I have been together for a few years, and she can be harsh to my daughter and times, but it’s only tough love, she obviously cares about my daughter and I care about her children as well”.
So, we can see that he and his girlfriend both have kids from prior relationships, which adds to the complication. He said, “I grew up around my family telling me that the man is supposed to put his wife/spouse before anyone else, and this is how I feel strongly.”
He noted in his OP that he and his girlfriend tend to buy more gifts for each other than they do for each other’s kids, but only his daughter seems to take issue with this.
Daughter caught Dad off guard with question
When OP and his daughter were on their way home one day, she caught him off guard with a question, “Do you love (my girlfriend) more than me?” This was a delicate question, and unfortunately, the answer he gave his 9-year-old daughter was not what she needed to hear, “a man is supposed to love his wife more than his children.”
As you can imagine, the daughter did not handle the answer well, and he wrote that “for the rest of the ride, my daughter was really quiet,” adding that “she seemed upset.”
These are not the sort of emotions 9-year-old girls should be dealing with.
As you can imagine, the Reddit community tore into the father, “you are undeserving of being a father,” said one commentator. Another commentator was so shocked that he questioned if it was just a fabricated story, “If this is real, which I doubt, you’ve got some major problems, and your poor daughter is likely going to be traumatized.”
After seeing the vicious backlash from the Reddit community, the father of the 9-year-old seemed to come to his senses. In an edit, he wrote, “I’ve read through some of the comments and realize I was 100% in the wrong. I do love my daughter, and her and I have talked about the issue and that the love I have for my girlfriend is different than the love I have for her”. Furthermore, he noted that he is “going to work on being a better parent.”
So, through it all – it seems that at least something good came out of this whole situation. However, what we say or don’t say to our kids can have a lasting impact on their lives. Therefore, we need to choose our words and responses extra cautiously.
When we get married, our relationship with our spouse is extremely important and forms the basis for a healthy family and healthy kids. However, saying that we love our spouse more than our kids can be very damaging.
Furthermore, in this instance, the couple is not even married – they are simply boyfriend and girlfriend, making the response that much worse.